1
00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:17,000
All thanks to you, these things I do.

2
00:00:19,660 --> 00:00:21,860
Because of you.

3
00:00:23,780 --> 00:00:26,040
Because of you.

4
00:00:26,991 --> 00:00:28,959
Who

5
00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:37,579
apologised

6
00:00:37,580 --> 00:00:38,660
first, you or Jane?

7
00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:40,480
There was no need for an apology.

8
00:00:40,860 --> 00:00:42,060
It was only a discussion.

9
00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:46,280
Discussion? I was surprised to see you
both alive this morning.

10
00:00:46,900 --> 00:00:50,800
The trouble with you, Jacko, is you
simply don't understand married life.

11
00:00:51,820 --> 00:00:53,870
That's why I don't look as haggard as
you.

12
00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:59,380
My boy Bill, he'll be tall and as tough
as a tree.

13
00:01:00,820 --> 00:01:01,870
What are you doing?

14
00:01:01,871 --> 00:01:06,579
I'm keeping count of the number of times
you've sung that bloody song since Jean

15
00:01:06,580 --> 00:01:07,840
told you she was pregnant.

16
00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:12,200
So far... It's 367 times. It is not.

17
00:01:13,380 --> 00:01:15,480
I wonder what he'll think of me.

18
00:01:15,820 --> 00:01:18,280
I get to call me the old man.

19
00:01:18,520 --> 00:01:19,940
Shut up!

20
00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:22,050
Hey, Dave.

21
00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:23,700
What if it's a girl?

22
00:01:24,540 --> 00:01:26,420
At this rate, she'd be fatherless.

23
00:01:27,420 --> 00:01:28,560
Pull him over there.

24
00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:31,260
What for? I want to buy some.

25
00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:50,900
Go on, then. Off you go.

26
00:01:52,420 --> 00:01:56,680
Aw, thanks ever so much, Jacko. That's
really thoughtful.

27
00:01:57,100 --> 00:01:59,930
That's all right. You won't call him
Lionel II, will you?

28
00:02:00,820 --> 00:02:01,870
It's a girl.

29
00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:03,090
How do you know?

30
00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:04,210
She told me.

31
00:02:04,491 --> 00:02:06,519
Cup of tea?

32
00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:07,660
Yeah, that'd be lovely.

33
00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:09,700
Well, now I've ingratiated myself.

34
00:02:09,701 --> 00:02:12,359
Fancy coming out to dinner tonight?

35
00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:13,780
Oh, sorry, I can't.

36
00:02:14,140 --> 00:02:15,190
I'm training.

37
00:02:15,320 --> 00:02:17,970
Well, you can't lift huge weights with
that bad hand.

38
00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:19,490
Football.

39
00:02:20,730 --> 00:02:23,130
Oh. Well, go on then, laugh.

40
00:02:23,650 --> 00:02:27,629
Women playing football, almost as funny
as watching ducks landing on frozen

41
00:02:27,630 --> 00:02:28,680
lakes.

42
00:02:29,010 --> 00:02:31,570
No, I think it's terrific. I love
football.

43
00:02:31,770 --> 00:02:32,870
I support Charlton.

44
00:02:33,190 --> 00:02:34,990
I thought you said you love football.

45
00:02:35,950 --> 00:02:38,330
Do you play for a proper team?

46
00:02:38,331 --> 00:02:39,669
Yeah, of course I do.

47
00:02:39,670 --> 00:02:42,080
Sunday mornings, Mocksburg Park,
Mosquitoes.

48
00:02:42,630 --> 00:02:44,370
I bet you're the striker.

49
00:02:44,730 --> 00:02:46,970
I got 36 goals last season.

50
00:02:47,210 --> 00:02:48,260
Did you?

51
00:02:49,179 --> 00:02:51,769
I suppose your team's got a physio
already, has it?

52
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:52,930
Yes.

53
00:02:53,020 --> 00:02:54,720
And she's fully qualified.

54
00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:56,570
Worth a try.

55
00:02:57,700 --> 00:02:59,500
How long did your training go on for?

56
00:02:59,501 --> 00:03:02,159
Well, we like to get at least a good
couple of hours in.

57
00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:03,210
Very professional.

58
00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:06,090
I'll take you for a drink after that,
shall I?

59
00:03:06,140 --> 00:03:09,320
Oh, um, well, that's not really a very
good idea.

60
00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:12,290
I think you like that budgie more than
me.

61
00:03:12,580 --> 00:03:13,630
No.

62
00:03:13,631 --> 00:03:17,479
It's just that we usually all have a
drink together after training, you see.

63
00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:18,860
Well, I won't be distracted.

64
00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:20,620
I'll only have eyes for you.

65
00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:22,120
It's not that.

66
00:03:22,500 --> 00:03:23,640
Well, what is it, then?

67
00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:26,080
Well, did you ever play football?

68
00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:29,060
Yeah. The animal they used to call me.

69
00:03:30,940 --> 00:03:35,619
Well, when your team was all together,
go on, be honest, you didn't exactly

70
00:03:35,620 --> 00:03:38,359
encourage wives and girlfriends along,
now, did you?

71
00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:39,420
No, I suppose not.

72
00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:41,010
Vice versa?

73
00:03:41,420 --> 00:03:42,470
Good Lord.

74
00:03:42,820 --> 00:03:46,070
Well, I'll just have to stay at home and
do me knitting, I suppose.

75
00:03:50,161 --> 00:03:52,129
Hello, mate.

76
00:03:52,130 --> 00:03:53,180
On your own.

77
00:03:53,730 --> 00:03:55,230
Oh, you know Helga, don't you?

78
00:03:59,690 --> 00:04:01,830
You still brooding over Paulette?

79
00:04:02,050 --> 00:04:04,590
Who? I don't remember any Paulette.

80
00:04:05,450 --> 00:04:06,990
You slung her out a week ago.

81
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:08,380
Oh, her.

82
00:04:08,550 --> 00:04:12,849
She's turned you into a misogynist, she
has. No, she hasn't. As a matter of

83
00:04:12,850 --> 00:04:16,149
fact, I was interested in pot plants
before I met her.

84
00:04:19,149 --> 00:04:23,750
Now, you mark my words, you're better
off sitting here without a woman, Jacko.

85
00:04:23,751 --> 00:04:24,729
Am I?

86
00:04:24,730 --> 00:04:26,930
Oh, yeah. Be all right for the moment.

87
00:04:27,250 --> 00:04:32,050
Sitting with you, skirt up to her
armpits, eyelashes fluttering.

88
00:04:32,610 --> 00:04:34,110
Yeah, that would be quite nice.

89
00:04:35,330 --> 00:04:40,609
But, but, all the time, she's waiting
for you to drop your guard so that she

90
00:04:40,610 --> 00:04:42,350
turn you into me.

91
00:04:45,130 --> 00:04:46,410
Is she a conjurer?

92
00:04:46,630 --> 00:04:48,190
Break your heart, I mean.

93
00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:52,240
Now you're better off on your own. Thank
you.

94
00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:54,500
Why are you on your own?

95
00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:55,850
Ah.

96
00:04:56,320 --> 00:05:00,300
Sir, sir, you've enhanced my
establishment again.

97
00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:03,260
Priceless as ever, Elmo.

98
00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:08,020
That's understood between us, sir. Not a
penny piece do you pay in here.

99
00:05:08,260 --> 00:05:09,310
Hello, Elmo.

100
00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:11,320
Good evening, Madam Smythe.

101
00:05:11,780 --> 00:05:13,500
Let me show you two things.

102
00:05:13,940 --> 00:05:14,990
Leslie.

103
00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:16,890
Leslie.

104
00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:19,040
She must have gone a bit deaf.

105
00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:21,270
Hello, Jacko.

106
00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:22,530
Hello, Gloria.

107
00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:24,970
How's life?

108
00:05:26,100 --> 00:05:27,150
Dependent.

109
00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:28,550
On your own?

110
00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:29,730
Yeah, yeah.

111
00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:34,480
Hello, Charles. How super to see you
again. We were hoping we might catch

112
00:05:34,481 --> 00:05:38,159
Well, what brings you up here, then? You
going to buy London?

113
00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:40,860
I wish I could think of quips like that.

114
00:05:41,620 --> 00:05:45,319
No, actually, we just popped up to town
for a couple of days to do a spot of

115
00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:48,440
shopping. I need a shooting stick and a
new dickie.

116
00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:53,420
And Gloria needs some fresh dogs, too.

117
00:05:53,980 --> 00:05:56,700
Oh, Charles, I do wish you'd stop buying
me things.

118
00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:02,630
Well, what are we all going to have to
drink?

119
00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:05,720
Wait, it's a question of attracting
attention, Charles.

120
00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:07,490
Shot!

121
00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:09,370
Well,

122
00:06:13,780 --> 00:06:15,540
are you finally ready to order?

123
00:06:15,930 --> 00:06:18,490
Oh, you've got yourself a job, Leslie.

124
00:06:18,790 --> 00:06:19,840
Good show.

125
00:06:20,230 --> 00:06:21,670
Bottle of champagne, please.

126
00:06:21,870 --> 00:06:22,920
Certainly.

127
00:06:23,070 --> 00:06:27,230
It's so lovely to see the old smiling
faces again, isn't it?

128
00:06:27,231 --> 00:06:32,869
Yes, shame a few more of the old crowd
aren't in. We could have had a spot of a

129
00:06:32,870 --> 00:06:34,310
regimental reunion.

130
00:06:34,910 --> 00:06:39,890
I tell you what, Josie, what about, say,
Saturday lunchtime?

131
00:06:40,250 --> 00:06:42,230
Oh, that's a brilliant idea, pumpkin.

132
00:06:43,050 --> 00:06:44,210
Gloria has become...

133
00:06:44,211 --> 00:06:47,839
Totally indispensable to me, you know,
Jacko. She thinks of ideas like that so

134
00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:50,420
quickly. She's as sharp as a knife,
isn't she, eh?

135
00:06:50,421 --> 00:06:53,599
I'll tell you what, I'll put the word
around.

136
00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:54,650
That'd be great.

137
00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:01,440
You'll say take it yourself once too
often, you will!

138
00:07:02,660 --> 00:07:06,579
Of course, we would have looked some
people up tonight, but we're running a

139
00:07:06,580 --> 00:07:10,640
late because of the Gymkhana, so we'll
just have to push on and find our dig.

140
00:07:11,580 --> 00:07:12,880
Dig? Dig, sir?

141
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:16,780
You can... So here, I've got a lovely
spare bedroom upstairs.

142
00:07:17,260 --> 00:07:22,999
It's got little lights set in the
ceiling that look like stars and a

143
00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:26,460
with a luminous man in the moon set into
the headboard.

144
00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:29,920
Try turning that down.

145
00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:34,639
Well, that's awfully kind of you, Elmo,
but we are actually booked in at the

146
00:07:34,640 --> 00:07:40,040
Ritz. The Ritz? Oh, I understand. I see.
Thanks anyway.

147
00:07:40,041 --> 00:07:43,329
It should be a jolly good little party
on Saturday.

148
00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:46,820
Party? Oh, no, of course you'll be
having that at the Ritz, won't you?

149
00:07:46,950 --> 00:07:48,030
Absolutely not.

150
00:07:48,630 --> 00:07:50,190
Here, if it's all right with you.

151
00:07:50,390 --> 00:07:51,490
All right, sir.

152
00:07:51,870 --> 00:07:52,920
It's wonderful.

153
00:07:53,050 --> 00:07:55,830
I knew me catering had come of age some
day.

154
00:07:56,270 --> 00:07:58,450
Excuse me, sir. I've got to start
playing.

155
00:08:01,990 --> 00:08:04,070
So, how are you then, Jack Cole?

156
00:08:04,450 --> 00:08:05,930
Me? Well, I'm fine.

157
00:08:06,430 --> 00:08:08,890
It's so bizarre seeing you on your own.

158
00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:10,780
It's not bizarre at all.

159
00:08:11,060 --> 00:08:12,110
Darling.

160
00:08:13,900 --> 00:08:16,250
I don't know what you're saying to me,
Charles.

161
00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:19,060
Sin mujer, pumpkin.

162
00:08:19,061 --> 00:08:22,719
I still don't know what you're saying to
me, Charles.

163
00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:23,980
Well, nor do I come to that.

164
00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:30,520
Well, if a chap is temporarily girl
-friendless, one shouldn't push.

165
00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:35,319
I am not girl -friendless, Charles. I'm
going out with a very nice girl at the

166
00:08:35,320 --> 00:08:36,600
moment. Oh, good.

167
00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:38,440
I'd hate to think you're...

168
00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:40,280
Energy that deserted you.

169
00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:42,820
Well, they haven't, Gloria.

170
00:08:43,039 --> 00:08:47,200
Her name's Lynn, and I like to think
that we're at the beginning of a very

171
00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:49,160
long, meaningful relationship.

172
00:08:49,740 --> 00:08:50,790
Where is she, then?

173
00:08:50,791 --> 00:08:54,619
Well, she's football training at the
moment, if you may say.

174
00:08:54,620 --> 00:08:55,670
Oh, I see.

175
00:08:59,780 --> 00:09:01,500
What are you doing out there?

176
00:09:02,540 --> 00:09:03,800
Where's my football kit?

177
00:09:04,300 --> 00:09:05,350
Football kit?

178
00:09:05,680 --> 00:09:06,730
Yeah.

179
00:09:07,560 --> 00:09:10,030
I know where it is. You haven't played
in six years.

180
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,360
Oh, is it as long ago as that?

181
00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:16,979
Yeah. Don't you remember? It was the
season that tall bloke from the fish and

182
00:09:16,980 --> 00:09:18,480
chip shop took over as captain.

183
00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:21,240
I remember him. Name of Surridge.

184
00:09:21,241 --> 00:09:23,599
He did nothing about football, that
bloke.

185
00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:25,280
I couldn't agree with you more.

186
00:09:26,380 --> 00:09:29,820
Time for some of the older players to
make way for new blood.

187
00:09:30,140 --> 00:09:31,190
Man was a fool.

188
00:09:31,420 --> 00:09:33,480
Yeah. He dropped me and all.

189
00:09:35,310 --> 00:09:37,660
They won the league that season, didn't
they?

190
00:09:38,510 --> 00:09:39,590
Yeah, I think they did.

191
00:09:40,410 --> 00:09:41,670
Where's my football kit?

192
00:09:41,970 --> 00:09:43,030
I don't know.

193
00:09:43,690 --> 00:09:45,250
What do you want it for, anyway?

194
00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:48,629
Well, Lynne wants to do some shooting
practice, and I said I'd go and golf for

195
00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:49,680
her.

196
00:09:51,010 --> 00:09:52,450
All right, what's the funny?

197
00:09:53,270 --> 00:09:55,740
It's the only way you can get her to go
out with you.

198
00:09:55,741 --> 00:09:59,949
It's in the loft. That's where I put it.
Well, I ring the hospital and put the

199
00:09:59,950 --> 00:10:01,000
heart unit on alert.

200
00:10:01,890 --> 00:10:03,990
It's only a kickabout. She's only a
girl.

201
00:10:05,290 --> 00:10:06,490
much for the new man?

202
00:10:06,930 --> 00:10:12,589
Jean, it's simply the biological
difference in muscularity. You see,

203
00:10:12,590 --> 00:10:14,270
generate the same velocity as men.

204
00:10:15,750 --> 00:10:18,070
Eric's right. It's a fact. It's not a
put -down.

205
00:10:18,390 --> 00:10:22,000
Now, I'll let a few in to begin with,
you know, build up their confidence.

206
00:10:40,991 --> 00:10:44,149
I just feel a bit bad here, that's all.

207
00:10:44,150 --> 00:10:45,590
Oh, perhaps we'd better stop.

208
00:10:45,610 --> 00:10:49,410
No, look, look. You have a little
breather and we'll carry on afterwards.

209
00:10:49,411 --> 00:10:51,929
Oh, yeah, all right, then I'll have a
little breather.

210
00:10:51,930 --> 00:10:55,420
I don't like you doing Sunday in your
matica room. Oh, not necessarily.

211
00:10:55,470 --> 00:10:56,520
We're one short.

212
00:10:56,730 --> 00:10:59,020
We're scratching around for players as
it is.

213
00:10:59,090 --> 00:11:00,870
You don't know any girls, do you?

214
00:11:01,210 --> 00:11:02,260
One or two, yes.

215
00:11:02,870 --> 00:11:04,050
Do any of them play?

216
00:11:07,010 --> 00:11:08,230
Football, I mean.

217
00:11:08,690 --> 00:11:10,670
Well, not that I know of, but I'll ask.

218
00:11:10,970 --> 00:11:12,070
I'll definitely ask.

219
00:11:12,680 --> 00:11:14,060
Oh, we really are desperate.

220
00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:17,470
As long as she's breathing and willing
to have a go, really.

221
00:11:17,900 --> 00:11:18,950
Well, thanks.

222
00:11:18,951 --> 00:11:23,559
Anyway, are you all right for a few more
before it gets dark?

223
00:11:23,560 --> 00:11:25,000
Absolutely. Go on.

224
00:11:25,580 --> 00:11:29,960
Now, don't forget what I told you. You
keep your knee over the ball.

225
00:11:30,180 --> 00:11:31,230
Right.

226
00:11:43,170 --> 00:11:46,730
Sandra, right, now, kick that, go on.

227
00:11:47,890 --> 00:11:48,940
Why?

228
00:11:49,090 --> 00:11:50,140
Just kick it.

229
00:11:53,190 --> 00:11:56,130
Right, Sandra, you are a natural
footballer.

230
00:11:57,930 --> 00:12:00,820
Now, Lynn's team is one short on Sunday.
Do you want a game?

231
00:12:01,030 --> 00:12:03,010
No, I don't. I can't play football.

232
00:12:03,610 --> 00:12:06,320
Sandra, it's in your genes. You're from
the North East.

233
00:12:06,550 --> 00:12:09,850
Jackie Milburn, Jackie Charlton, Bobby
Charlton, Gazza.

234
00:12:10,270 --> 00:12:12,980
You may not have noticed, Jackal, but
they are all men.

235
00:12:12,981 --> 00:12:14,649
You're denying your heritage.

236
00:12:14,650 --> 00:12:15,700
I'm not interested.

237
00:12:17,030 --> 00:12:18,530
Can I see you a minute, Jackal?

238
00:12:18,531 --> 00:12:19,749
Ah, yes.

239
00:12:19,750 --> 00:12:20,800
Yes, boss.

240
00:12:24,130 --> 00:12:25,450
I want to ask you something.

241
00:12:25,530 --> 00:12:27,030
Can I ask you something first?

242
00:12:27,150 --> 00:12:28,200
Will you add that?

243
00:12:29,890 --> 00:12:30,940
Why?

244
00:12:30,990 --> 00:12:34,720
Well, Lyn's team are one short on Sunday
and I wondered if you wanted a game.

245
00:12:34,721 --> 00:12:36,109
You play.

246
00:12:36,110 --> 00:12:37,190
No, they're all women.

247
00:12:37,390 --> 00:12:39,310
That should suit you down to the ground.

248
00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:42,100
No, Marcello would like it, Veronica.

249
00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:44,120
You know, dreams of Inter Milan.

250
00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:47,390
They're dirty words to Marcello. He
comes from Sicily.

251
00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:51,160
But I can think of better things to do
for a laugh.

252
00:12:51,460 --> 00:12:54,320
How is Marcello? May I ask my question
now?

253
00:12:54,321 --> 00:12:55,519
Oh, go on then.

254
00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:56,760
Well, it's about Sandra.

255
00:12:57,020 --> 00:12:58,070
It's serious.

256
00:12:58,260 --> 00:13:02,880
After breaking up with Jimmy, she's so
down, poor kid. She needs cheering up.

257
00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:04,250
Yes, she is.

258
00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:08,539
What have you got in mind? Well, me,
Marcello, you and Sandra. If we had a

259
00:13:08,540 --> 00:13:11,559
evening out together, perhaps we could
get a laughing again.

260
00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:13,120
You're a kindly soul, Veronica.

261
00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:15,590
Even if you won't play football on
Sunday.

262
00:13:15,591 --> 00:13:17,579
You wouldn't have a Saturday free, would
you?

263
00:13:17,580 --> 00:13:18,879
Well, what about this one?

264
00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:19,719
That easy.

265
00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:22,190
I thought we'd have to book you months
in advance.

266
00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:23,720
No, I'm free. It's all right.

267
00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:25,100
What about Lynne?

268
00:13:25,101 --> 00:13:29,479
Well, she plays football on a Sunday, so
she has to get her kit ready, you know.

269
00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:32,240
Have a light meal and early to bed.

270
00:13:32,241 --> 00:13:37,219
And I respect it. Yeah, I bet you don't
like it, though. Are you going to speak

271
00:13:37,220 --> 00:13:38,780
to Sandra or not? Yes, of course.

272
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:41,300
Oh, Gloria and Charles are up for a few
days.

273
00:13:41,540 --> 00:13:44,820
They're having a party at Elmo's Wine
Bar Saturday.

274
00:13:45,740 --> 00:13:46,920
Priceless. Yes.

275
00:13:47,580 --> 00:13:49,200
Well, we four can go on from there.

276
00:13:49,420 --> 00:13:50,470
Lovely.

277
00:13:50,471 --> 00:13:52,439
Sandra, would you come in a minute,
please?

278
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:54,160
At Elmo's, you say? Where else?

279
00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:57,870
Oh, quite. I was just thinking how
thrilled Leslie will be to see them.

280
00:13:58,900 --> 00:13:59,980
Yes, Mrs. Bainbridge?

281
00:14:00,510 --> 00:14:04,850
What about me and Marcello and you and
Jacko going out together on Saturday?

282
00:14:06,970 --> 00:14:08,020
No, thank you.

283
00:14:08,210 --> 00:14:09,260
Oh, come on, Sandra.

284
00:14:09,570 --> 00:14:11,670
Nice milf, you love... No, thank you.

285
00:14:12,370 --> 00:14:16,229
Well, go on. We're lovable people.
Jacko, I've said no, thank you. All

286
00:14:16,230 --> 00:14:17,280
all right, all right.

287
00:14:17,770 --> 00:14:21,560
But there could have been an ice cream
in Sunderland's Colours in it for you.

288
00:14:22,210 --> 00:14:25,350
If that's all, Mrs Beamberry... No, it
is not all, Sandra.

289
00:14:26,170 --> 00:14:29,909
It's not so long ago that you drove me
mad in this office trying to make me go

290
00:14:29,910 --> 00:14:30,960
out with Marcello.

291
00:14:30,961 --> 00:14:34,169
Only because you were behaving as if you
were about to collect your bus pass,

292
00:14:34,170 --> 00:14:35,220
Mrs Bainbridge.

293
00:14:35,221 --> 00:14:36,589
I wasn't.

294
00:14:36,590 --> 00:14:37,640
Yes, you were.

295
00:14:38,230 --> 00:14:41,750
I'm young. I've got plenty of time.
Yeah, all right. Don't keep on about

296
00:14:41,910 --> 00:14:42,960
Sandra.

297
00:14:43,210 --> 00:14:46,950
I'm just not ready to be cheerful little
Sandra again, that's all.

298
00:14:47,490 --> 00:14:49,370
Please, give it a try, eh?

299
00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:52,550
You're going to keep on if I say no,
aren't you?

300
00:14:52,551 --> 00:14:56,439
Endlessly. And don't forget, I'm the
boss, and I can order you to listen to

301
00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:57,840
whilst I go on, endlessly.

302
00:14:58,400 --> 00:14:59,580
All right, I'll come.

303
00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:02,220
But don't expect me to be sparkling
company.

304
00:15:02,540 --> 00:15:04,400
All right, just try to glimmer a bit.

305
00:15:11,860 --> 00:15:13,460
Lizzie, come here, come here.

306
00:15:13,700 --> 00:15:14,750
What?

307
00:15:14,820 --> 00:15:16,440
Close your eyes, close your eyes.

308
00:15:16,780 --> 00:15:18,260
Why? It's a surprise.

309
00:15:18,261 --> 00:15:19,679
All right.

310
00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:21,279
But touch me and you're in deep trouble.

311
00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:22,330
All right,

312
00:15:22,980 --> 00:15:24,030
they're closed.

313
00:15:25,500 --> 00:15:26,680
Open your eyes.

314
00:15:27,580 --> 00:15:28,880
It's an ice sculpture.

315
00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:34,139
You made it, didn't you? I did, I did.
Up all night with me hammer and chisel,

316
00:15:34,140 --> 00:15:35,079
was.

317
00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:36,340
What's it supposed to be?

318
00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:37,530
A horse.

319
00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:40,280
It's my centrepiece for Giles.

320
00:15:40,500 --> 00:15:42,820
It's a sort of floral tribute in ice.

321
00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:45,680
The mind boggles. It does, doesn't it?

322
00:15:45,900 --> 00:15:49,060
The thing is, do I put it on the table
now?

323
00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:53,340
Or do I wheel it out later as a
conversation stopper?

324
00:15:53,341 --> 00:15:55,219
Conversation stopper.

325
00:15:55,220 --> 00:15:56,270
Yes, yes.

326
00:16:03,771 --> 00:16:08,299
Thanks for your game of football on
Sunday, Ledley.

327
00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:10,040
Do I look as though I play football?

328
00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:11,420
As a matter of fact, you do.

329
00:16:11,500 --> 00:16:12,640
I take that as an insult.

330
00:16:12,641 --> 00:16:14,899
No, you shouldn't. You've got nice long
legs.

331
00:16:14,900 --> 00:16:15,950
You've got slim hips.

332
00:16:16,220 --> 00:16:17,360
You're well -balanced.

333
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:19,370
You move... You moved well altogether.

334
00:16:19,870 --> 00:16:21,980
You seem to be very aware of me
physically.

335
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,469
I always have been, Leslie.

336
00:16:23,470 --> 00:16:26,129
You're not really talking about football
at all, are you?

337
00:16:26,130 --> 00:16:27,690
Well, I was to begin with, yes.

338
00:16:28,470 --> 00:16:29,520
Well, I won't play.

339
00:16:29,521 --> 00:16:30,949
No, I didn't think you would.

340
00:16:30,950 --> 00:16:33,900
There are much better games to play than
football, anyway.

341
00:16:34,010 --> 00:16:37,500
Well, if you promise not to tell the
chat, I thoroughly agree with you.

342
00:16:37,950 --> 00:16:39,930
Have you ever thought of a return match?

343
00:16:40,450 --> 00:16:44,150
Well, I'd be lying if I didn't say it
crossed my mind from time to time, yes.

344
00:16:46,350 --> 00:16:47,400
Hello, Sandra.

345
00:16:47,710 --> 00:16:49,210
You ready for our nice day out?

346
00:16:57,450 --> 00:17:02,889
I can't, mate. I can't, mate. I've got
to do me conversation stuff, and now...

347
00:17:02,890 --> 00:17:06,750
Oh, shizzle, it's melted.

348
00:17:07,190 --> 00:17:11,810
Not overly intelligent leaving it by the
radiator, was it? My horse, my horse.

349
00:17:12,030 --> 00:17:15,050
Your kingdom for a horse. Oh, never
mind.

350
00:17:15,490 --> 00:17:16,790
No, no, never mind.

351
00:17:17,260 --> 00:17:19,370
I'll knock them out with a caviar
instead.

352
00:17:21,220 --> 00:17:22,480
Excuse me, everyone.

353
00:17:26,060 --> 00:17:29,000
Caviar with the compliments of me.

354
00:17:32,620 --> 00:17:33,740
They're sandwiches.

355
00:17:33,741 --> 00:17:34,919
I know.

356
00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:39,740
Any establishment can knock out little
blobs of it on stupid little biscuits.

357
00:17:40,020 --> 00:17:42,060
With me, you'd get a proper golf...

358
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:46,679
You've certainly got style, Elmo. That's
undeniable.

359
00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:48,000
Absolutely priceless.

360
00:17:48,001 --> 00:17:52,319
I suppose the next time we come, you'll
serve truffles. You want some truffles,

361
00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:53,279
sir?

362
00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:57,739
No, no, I didn't mean that. No, truffles
have been mentioned, so truffles you

363
00:17:57,740 --> 00:17:58,790
shall have.

364
00:17:59,711 --> 00:18:01,439
Let's see.

365
00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:04,810
Knit down a chocolate shop and get ten
pound of chocolate truffles.

366
00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:08,320
Let's see. Did you hear what I said?

367
00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:11,799
In the first place, truffles don't come
from chocolate shops.

368
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:14,159
They're fungi and pigs root for them
with their snout.

369
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:18,439
Don't be preposterous. Do you think a
gentleman like Giles would have anything

370
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:20,100
to do with that sort of thing?

371
00:18:20,340 --> 00:18:22,990
And secondly, I wouldn't walk ten feet
for that crew.

372
00:18:23,700 --> 00:18:28,039
Why? I don't like any of them. Well,
one's your mother. I know. Acting like a

373
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,450
pubescent schoolgirl with that ageing
gigolo.

374
00:18:31,340 --> 00:18:35,079
Giles has obviously lost a few brains he
had by marrying that common bit of

375
00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:37,820
stuff. Well, you're not Jacko. No, I
don't.

376
00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:40,600
He's singularly lacking in taste, as you
can see.

377
00:18:40,940 --> 00:18:45,479
Well, now, you can't dislike Eric and
Jean, though. Everyone likes Eric and

378
00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:50,659
Jean. All right. They bore me. They're
two non -entities busy populating the

379
00:18:50,660 --> 00:18:52,340
world with further non -entities.

380
00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:55,240
Well, I'll nip down the chocolate shop
myself, then.

381
00:18:56,900 --> 00:18:59,860
No, no, Jean is not playing football.

382
00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:01,940
Anyway, it wouldn't be fair.

383
00:19:02,180 --> 00:19:04,600
We'd have 12 on our side against Eric.

384
00:19:06,319 --> 00:19:09,140
Buy yourself a blonde wig and you turn
out, Jacko.

385
00:19:09,141 --> 00:19:12,999
It's a shame my Aunt Sophia's not here.
She would have played. She was one of

386
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,350
Fantoni's marvels. Yeah, but that was on
still.

387
00:19:15,360 --> 00:19:17,530
She would have been good in the air,
though.

388
00:19:17,660 --> 00:19:20,740
I might dream it still to see Sandra
whizzing down the wing.

389
00:19:21,020 --> 00:19:24,030
Well, you can forget it, because I'm not
whizzing anywhere.

390
00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:25,170
I'll play.

391
00:19:27,660 --> 00:19:28,710
Would you, Gloria?

392
00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:30,490
Yes.

393
00:19:30,580 --> 00:19:33,960
Just wind up my big key, point me in the
right direction.

394
00:19:34,430 --> 00:19:35,480
And I'm away.

395
00:19:36,590 --> 00:19:38,450
Have you ever played before, Gloria?

396
00:19:38,790 --> 00:19:41,050
No, but I'll do anything for a laugh.

397
00:19:42,170 --> 00:19:44,820
That's one of the reasons I love you so
much, Pumpkin.

398
00:19:45,070 --> 00:19:47,110
Charlie, don't get private.

399
00:19:48,790 --> 00:19:50,250
Are you really on, Gloria?

400
00:19:50,770 --> 00:19:51,820
Yes.

401
00:19:52,230 --> 00:19:53,630
What colours do we wear?

402
00:19:53,950 --> 00:19:56,950
Well, black shorts and green and white
top.

403
00:19:57,470 --> 00:20:00,170
Oh, have they got anything in pastels?

404
00:20:00,801 --> 00:20:07,769
You can't expect a whole team to change
colour just because you can't carry

405
00:20:07,770 --> 00:20:08,820
green on.

406
00:20:08,930 --> 00:20:10,090
No, no, it's OK.

407
00:20:10,310 --> 00:20:11,810
I'll do something with myself.

408
00:20:13,250 --> 00:20:16,920
We'd better pop up to Lilywhite this
afternoon, Pumpkin. Get you some kit.

409
00:20:17,030 --> 00:20:18,080
Oh, lovely.

410
00:20:18,950 --> 00:20:22,010
I don't think I want those chin things,
though.

411
00:20:22,650 --> 00:20:25,000
They don't do anything for your legs, do
they?

412
00:20:25,950 --> 00:20:29,140
They're not supposed to, Gloria. They're
meant to protect them.

413
00:20:34,550 --> 00:20:35,600
Excuse me.

414
00:20:36,570 --> 00:20:37,790
Here we are, sir.

415
00:20:38,110 --> 00:20:39,510
Truffles, as promised.

416
00:20:41,310 --> 00:20:42,670
Anything wrong, sir?

417
00:20:42,950 --> 00:20:44,070
No, no.

418
00:20:44,490 --> 00:20:49,969
You actually went to the chocolate shop
to get truffles. Which is where you and

419
00:20:49,970 --> 00:20:51,750
I know they come from, sir.

420
00:20:51,950 --> 00:20:57,770
Unlike clever clogs at the bar who only
references something that pigs dig up.

421
00:21:05,309 --> 00:21:07,810
I hope this place cheers her up, I
really do.

422
00:21:08,030 --> 00:21:10,890
Oh, you are a sweet man, Marcello. Oh,
cara.

423
00:21:13,090 --> 00:21:15,810
Oh, come on, Sandra, cheer up. I did
warn you.

424
00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:19,350
I'm just not in a party mood.

425
00:21:58,860 --> 00:21:59,910
front, you daft ape?

426
00:22:00,460 --> 00:22:01,840
No, I haven't.

427
00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:03,920
Me head's on back to front.

428
00:22:03,921 --> 00:22:07,019
Come on, Sergeant, let's get you to bed.

429
00:22:07,020 --> 00:22:09,670
Do I want to go to bed? Yeah, come on,
you best go to bed.

430
00:22:09,671 --> 00:22:10,459
Let's done.

431
00:22:10,460 --> 00:22:12,320
No, no, come on, let's stop it, come on.

432
00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:14,330
Soldier!

433
00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:19,170
No, no, come on, Sergeant, no, we've
already been out, now will you stop?

434
00:22:30,551 --> 00:22:32,219
How is it?

435
00:22:32,220 --> 00:22:33,099
Come on.

436
00:22:33,100 --> 00:22:36,200
Come on, get in here. Come on. All
right, get in here.

437
00:22:36,540 --> 00:22:37,940
Come on. Lie down.

438
00:22:38,140 --> 00:22:39,190
Come on, here you go.

439
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:40,690
Right.

440
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:44,360
I've had a lovely evening, Jacko.

441
00:22:44,580 --> 00:22:47,280
Yeah, I know, Sandra. Now, let go of me
shirt, eh?

442
00:22:48,020 --> 00:22:50,200
I am a good girl, aren't I?

443
00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:51,530
Of course you are.

444
00:22:51,660 --> 00:22:53,080
Well, I'm fed up with it.

445
00:22:53,380 --> 00:22:54,680
I want to be wicked.

446
00:22:55,580 --> 00:22:58,100
Please go to sleep, eh? Do you want to
be wicked?

447
00:22:58,340 --> 00:23:00,480
Eh? Come on, let's be wicked.

448
00:23:04,270 --> 00:23:05,490
Now, listen, I'm only 16.

449
00:23:06,250 --> 00:23:11,769
The young ones done with... All right,
all right, all right. Stop

450
00:23:11,770 --> 00:23:14,830
singing, please, for goodness sake.

451
00:23:15,310 --> 00:23:18,140
Now, if you were sober, this would be a
different matter.

452
00:23:18,510 --> 00:23:19,560
That's my trouble.

453
00:23:19,910 --> 00:23:20,960
I'm not sober.

454
00:23:22,230 --> 00:23:23,490
Yeah. Come on.

455
00:23:23,830 --> 00:23:25,510
Come on, get your head down. Come on.

456
00:23:25,670 --> 00:23:26,720
Now.

457
00:23:27,070 --> 00:23:30,570
Now, you lie there and dream of
Sunderland winning the FA Cup, eh?

458
00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:36,900
I never saw Len Shackleton play, you
know.

459
00:23:39,780 --> 00:23:41,000
Never mind, eh?

460
00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:42,690
Good night, mate.

461
00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:48,690
Jacko!

462
00:23:49,940 --> 00:23:50,990
Don't go.

463
00:23:59,340 --> 00:24:00,390
Here are trouble.

464
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:02,820
I'm off to be football match.

465
00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:05,540
What are you still doing here?

466
00:24:06,300 --> 00:24:09,370
Well, I tried to leave, Sandra, but you
kept overpowering me.

467
00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:11,210
Oh?

468
00:24:11,300 --> 00:24:12,980
It's all right. I slept on the chair.

469
00:24:14,020 --> 00:24:16,740
I made a complete fool of myself, didn't
I?

470
00:24:17,120 --> 00:24:18,170
Yes.

471
00:24:19,120 --> 00:24:20,980
I mean, ladies, I'm back to front.

472
00:24:22,660 --> 00:24:25,070
That was one of the more sensible things
you did.

473
00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:27,920
Oh, Jacko, I'm sorry.

474
00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:30,330
Don't be sorry.

475
00:24:31,070 --> 00:24:33,510
Nice people never have to be sorry.

476
00:24:34,290 --> 00:24:35,710
Am I a nice people?

477
00:24:36,650 --> 00:24:37,970
You're top drawer, Sandra.

478
00:24:40,890 --> 00:24:42,570
Better get off to me football, eh?

479
00:24:42,950 --> 00:24:44,510
You sure you don't want to play?

480
00:24:44,530 --> 00:24:45,580
Oh!

481
00:24:50,570 --> 00:24:52,010
Now, I'm not refereeing.

482
00:24:52,270 --> 00:24:55,330
Oh, go on, Jacko. The proper one cried
off.

483
00:24:55,710 --> 00:24:58,360
His wife probably found out it was
ladies' football.

484
00:24:58,450 --> 00:24:59,710
Oh, please, Jacko.

485
00:25:01,330 --> 00:25:03,390
Oh, I'm putty in your hands, aren't I?

486
00:25:07,290 --> 00:25:08,340
Oi, Eric.

487
00:25:08,970 --> 00:25:10,290
Run a line for us, will you?

488
00:25:11,050 --> 00:25:12,100
Yeah, all right.

489
00:25:12,530 --> 00:25:14,410
I might start playing again, you know.

490
00:25:14,770 --> 00:25:16,270
And where were you last night?

491
00:25:16,690 --> 00:25:18,630
If I told you, you wouldn't believe it.

492
00:25:20,490 --> 00:25:21,990
Oi, oi, the cavalry's arrived.

493
00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:32,010
Sorry we're late.

494
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:33,380
We overslept.

495
00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:43,120
Gloria's already changed.

496
00:26:18,220 --> 00:26:19,540
What's your phone number?

497
00:26:22,180 --> 00:26:23,230
Carol?

498
00:26:26,860 --> 00:26:29,640
Look at Daddy. Doesn't he look funny?

499
00:26:58,730 --> 00:27:00,470
I've sent the other girl off as well.

500
00:27:00,870 --> 00:27:02,990
Yeah, well, she deserved it.

501
00:27:03,270 --> 00:27:05,530
Now, come on, Pumpkin, the game's the
thing.

502
00:27:06,050 --> 00:27:07,750
I was only on there ten minutes.

503
00:27:07,751 --> 00:27:11,329
So you're never going to speak to me
again because I showed you the red card,

504
00:27:11,330 --> 00:27:12,380
eh?

505
00:27:14,290 --> 00:27:18,050
Well, Mike, I never could stay umpty
with you for long.

506
00:27:20,210 --> 00:27:21,260
You, um...

507
00:27:26,860 --> 00:27:29,420
You will be keeping your kit, won't you,
Pumpkin?

508
00:27:29,940 --> 00:27:31,940
No, I think I'll give it away.

509
00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:34,080
I shan't be wearing it again.

510
00:27:34,360 --> 00:27:35,980
No, no, don't do that.

511
00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:39,780
Why? I think you look rather sweet in
it.

512
00:27:42,140 --> 00:27:43,190
Rascal.

513
00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:49,460
Come on, don't take it so hard.

514
00:27:49,780 --> 00:27:50,830
We were awful.

515
00:27:51,140 --> 00:27:52,640
We were diabolical.

516
00:27:52,940 --> 00:27:53,990
It was only three nil.

517
00:27:54,060 --> 00:27:55,980
It leaks like a sieve, our defence.

518
00:27:56,760 --> 00:27:58,620
It's only a game, isn't it? Never mind.

519
00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:01,840
Look. Now, what about this evening? Oh,
no, look, I'm sorry.

520
00:28:01,841 --> 00:28:04,679
Well, you haven't got a match tomorrow.

521
00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:08,290
No, we've all got to get together and
have a team talk about this defence.

522
00:28:08,500 --> 00:28:10,240
Oh, perhaps I should use a sweeper.

523
00:28:10,540 --> 00:28:11,590
Oh, I don't know.

524
00:28:14,240 --> 00:28:15,680
Some other time, hey, Jacko?

525
00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:17,010
What other time?

526
00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:22,700
I'm not... I'm not tired. Oh, yeah. I'll
be all right.

527
00:28:23,281 --> 00:28:25,519
Good player, isn't she?

528
00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:27,630
Yes, yes, she's very good. Yeah, nice
girl.

529
00:28:27,631 --> 00:28:28,619
Seen her again?

530
00:28:28,620 --> 00:28:29,760
No, I don't think so, no.

531
00:28:30,120 --> 00:28:31,170
Why ever not?

532
00:28:31,171 --> 00:28:34,879
Well, to be quite honest, Jean, I think
she thinks more of her football than she

533
00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:35,859
does of me.

534
00:28:35,860 --> 00:28:36,910
I love it.

535
00:29:02,169 --> 00:29:03,570
Oh.

536
00:29:03,620 --> 00:29:08,170
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